56 Days Ago Our Precious Ashley Left us for Heaven. I have Spent 56 Days of
Not Wanting to Exist In a World Without Our Ashley. For 56 Days, I wake up
every morning and the reality that Our Ashley is not here with us, hits me. My
day starts with excruciating pain and uncontrollable tears. It takes everything
in me to get out of bed. Throughout the day I will start crying at any given
moment, at any given place. Something or someone triggers something and the
reality of Our Ashley not being here hits and the tears roll. Every night as I
try to sleep, the tears fall. In the Middle of the night, I wake up multiple
times, and the tears fall. The Excruciating Pain, is Always There. Most of the
time I feel like I can’t breathe. I have panic attack after panic attack. A
feeling of overwhelming doom comes over me. I feel like a prisoner in our
world, a world that Our Ashley no longer exists in. It’s like I am constantly
treading water, barely keeping my head above that water and just when I think I
have reached land, a wave comes and pushes me back out to sea, out to the
loneliness, the emptiness, the never-ending pain. Everywhere I go, everything I
do, reminds me of Our Ashley. The daily realization that I will never see,
hear, feel, hug, kiss Our Ashley again, the realization that she will never
fulfil her dreams to be a Nurse, a Wife a Mother, the realization that I have
to live the rest of my life without my Beautiful, Kind, Caring, Selfless Ashley
is Excruciating, Endless, Pain. The thought of being happy in a world
without our Ashley feels like betrayal to her. How can happiness exist for a
parent who is left in a world without one of their children? Being left
in a world that your child is taken from, is the cruelest most inhumane form of
punishment you can inflict on a parent.
Since the time I was a little girl, I have believed in God. I have prayed to, praised, and preached God. I went to a catholic school from 4th grade through high school. I was a religious education teacher for 5 years. Although not perfect, I have tried to live my life as best as I could, as a God Loving Christian Woman. I always believed that there was a reason for things. A reason that people came into our lives. However, I have never, nor will I ever, find a reason for a child being taken from this world. A reason for a parent to be left on this earth to live out the rest of their days without their child. Even with my complete incomprehension of how God could take a child from this world, I kept my faith in God. I praised God and prayed to him. I believed that he would heal Ashley. I put all my hope and faith in God and he failed me, but most of all, he failed Ashley. So I am angry with God and even doubting his existence.
Our Ashley is the kindness, most caring, most giving, selfless human being I have known. She cared so much about children fighting this monster. So much so, that she took a drug that she knew could potentially cause her to get a secondary cancer and did so because, in her words, “Isn’t that how we find cures, and I am willing to take the chance (of getting the secondary cancer) if it means other children may not suffer because of it.” Who does that? who is that selfless? Who? Heroes, that is who. Ashley, that is who. The True Heroes in this World. And Ashley is a Hero. A Hero who fought so hard for others and so hard for herself because she wanted so badly to live. A Hero who spent her free time volunteering her efforts to the foundation and St. Jude, to help children fighting cancer. She didn’t want praise or reward for her selflessness and dedication, all she wanted was the chance to live her life. But her reward for all that she had done for others, was her life ending at the age of 25.
I have begged and pleaded with God for 56 days. Begging him to give her back. I have screamed in anger to God, asking him how he could take Ashley from a life she so badly wanted to live, after all she had done for others. How he can take any child? How he can cause the cruelest most intense pain to the parents of the children that he took? Leaving them to live in excruciating, never ending pain, for however long they have left on this earth. God is supposed to be Our Father. Well as a Parent, A Mother, I would do anything to keep my children from suffering, from their heart hurting, from anything that could cause them harm. So how does the Almighty Father Allow So Much Pain and Suffering To Selfless People Like Ashley and Many others? To Genuinely Good, Caring People Like Mike, My Boy’s and Myself and So Many others? How Can He Allow That and Then Let Evil, Selfish, Cruel, Murdering People, Continue to Walk This Earth and Live Their Lives. I Never believed God Made Our Ashley Sick, But if He Is the Almighty, Powerful, Miracle Creating God that I Believed Him to Be For My Entire Life, Then Why Couldn’t He Heal Her? Why Couldn’t He Heal and Protect Other Children? Children who did NOTHING to cause their cancer. I was always taught that it is in giving that we receive. I never believed that to mean that we would get money or material things by giving to others. I believed that it meant, that if we spent our life giving to others, helping others, that in return we would live a long, happy and healthy life, a life with the necessary means to get through each day and survive. But apparently nothing I spent my life believing is true. If it were, then Our Ashley would still be here. I have begged Ashley to come to me and show me she is Ok. Show me in a very clear, undeniable way, that she is happy and that there is a Heaven. I search for that sign every day and it never happens. I beg God to show me and he doesn’t.
So I struggle every day. Looking for a reason, looking for a sign that God really does exists. I have spent my entire life believing in a God that was Good. A God that Loved his Children. But now I am having doubts. I Miss Our Ashley So Much and I Am In Never Ending Excruciating Pain. It takes everything in me to get out of bed every morning. My Stomach Constantly Hurts. I eat, not because I am hungry, but because I need to survive. I have lost 10lbs, without trying. I am prisoner, trapped in the body of a person that no longer exist, screaming from the inside, wanting to be set free from the endless pain, knowing that the only thing that can set me free, is to have Our Ashley, here, with us again. I was a happy, fun loving, full of life, giving, caring, compassionate person. I appreciated every day that I had on this earth, everything that I have, and most importantly ever person that I loved. Every person that I was blessed to have in my life, with the three most precious, most valuable, most important people in my life, being Ashley, Michael and Jake. Ashley leaving this world crushed my soul, destroyed who I was, took My Precious, Happy Family and Destroyed it. You can’t take a Child Away from a Parent and Expect Life To Go On As If Their Child Never Existed and The Only Way To Go On Without Your Child Would Be To Forget That Their Child Ever Existed. I WILL NEVER FORGET that Ashley Existed. I am not, nor will I ever be the person I was before. That is truly sad that a God who proclaims to be our father, proclaims to love us, would allow his children to suffer such excruciating pain.
I am not looking for an explanation from anyone, a reason from anyone or a comment like, “We don’t know the answers, we will never know the answer till we meet our maker.” I have heard that my entire life and when I needed God the most, when I wanted God to Give Our Selfless Daughter a Cure, a Chance to Live Her Life, He Failed Her and Failed Me. He Failed My Family. Nothing anyone says is going to change how I feel. Only Ashley or God, if he exists, can change my mind.
But even through my struggles of my faith, of my belief in God, I believe that we are supposed to be good, caring people, even if there is no promise of receiving that long, happy life. But when I sit here in my daily daze of moving through each day and I see everything going on in this world, I am sickened. In fact, I have been sickened for a long time, because of the actions of so many people. This too, has been something that has brought doubt to my faith.
I am angry, angry because I see so much negativity, so much hatred, cruelty and disregard for human life. So much craziness and wasted time on things that are not important and not enough time spent on things that are important. People are acting like complete, out of control lunatics and it is all over the fact that the individual they wanted for president, is not president. It is beyond ridiculous that people are still throwing fits over the fact that Trump is our President. Well he is our President, like it or not. It must be accepted. It must be accepted if we ever want to see improvement in our world. All the fighting and hatred and violence is just creating a world even more dangerous than it already was. This is the world that we are creating for our children. Our children should come first and instead of teaching them the right way to do things, we are teaching them the wrong way. We are teaching them that when we don’t get our way we should throw fits, spread lies and do whatever it takes, wrong or right, to get our way. Even if it means spreading lies or refusing to see the truth.
I didn’t like that Obama became President, but I didn’t throw a baby fit, I didn’t loss my mind and I certainly didn’t wish him to fail or wish harm to him. I prayed every day that I was wrong about him and that he was successful in running our country. For months the democrats/liberals, have been trying to do anything and everything to get Trump out of Office. To prevent him from doing his job. They have been trying desperately to prove a Russian connection with Trump or his administration and have come up with nothing. Many democrats have come out and said there is no proof. Yet they keep searching for something that is not there. They knock and put a spin on everything President Trump does and the lying liberal media sells it and so many buy it. There has been so much time and money wasted by our politicians, for hearings, to ask the same questions over and over, to come up with no evidence of any wrong doing, over and over. We did not put these people in office, to have the taxes we pay provide their salaries, so they can spend their days preventing our president from doing his job. To waste their time investigating the same thing, only to continue to come up with no evidence of wrong doing and to create rhetoric and constant chaos in our country.
For years I have and Mike has Fought Alongside Our Ashley Watching Her Go Through So Much Pain and Suffering. Watching as the Toxins of the Chemo Damaged her Body. Watch her try treatment, after treatment and get slammed by Negative Doctors Here In Chicago, with The words, “The Treatment Isn’t Working”, Time after time. But she didn’t give up, she didn’t become nasty to the world, she didn’t become mean and bitter and blame everyone for her suffering. She didn’t stop doing for and giving to others. She fought and gave, until an infection she received, from the inadequate care of certain individuals of an inadequately run hospital, took her life.
So each day, as I Miss and Mourn My Beautiful Ashley, I get angrier and angrier, when I see the individuals, who are supposed to be protecting our children and helping to build a better tomorrow for them, wasting their time on the same old bullshit over and over and preventing our president from doing his job. I get angry when I see time wasted on nonsense that is going nowhere, when that is time that could be spent on important things like finding funding and cures for our children. Time and money that can be spent on developing drugs specifically for our children so that they don’t have to receive drugs that were developed for adults and have those treatments cause other cancers or life threatening illnesses. So, why, in all these years, have we not develop drugs specifically for our children? Well the answer is, “Because there is no money in it”. There are not enough children with cancer to make a profit. HOW DISGUSTING IS THAT?
My daughter is gone because her doctor, in Chicago, who was not very forthcoming about the side effects of an adult drug, played on my daughter’s kindheartedness and used her as a guinea pig. Side effects that I had to find and tell my daughter about. But because Ashley was who she was, she was willing to take the chance to help others. All she needed to do was get her radiation at St. Jude and be done. It worked before. But her Chicago dcotor played on her dedication to helping others and got her to agree to take a drug that caused her secondary cancer and ultimately her being gone today. But let’s keep using our children to test adult drugs on, instead of finding drugs for them that are less toxic. Let’s not provide funding to do the research, to find a cause of these cancers our children are getting. Let's hate Trump so much that we force his son Eric, to end his foundation that supported one of the few Hospital's that is actually trying to find better cures for our children, trying to find a cause. St. Jude Children's Research Hospital.
This is the world we live in. A world that is getting worse by the minute. People are becoming crueler and crueler, greedier and greedier and a better future for our children is nonexistent. We worry more about money and power than we do about protecting our children, than we do about ensuring they have a future. THAT IS MESSED UP PEOPLE.
We put men on the moon. We can send messages on a phone that can get to another person who is 2000 miles away, in a matter of seconds. We spent millions of dollars to sports players and actors to make movies and we call these people heroes. I can go on and on about the things we are capable of doing in this world. But We CAN’T FIND A CAUSE OR A CURE FOR OUR CHILDREN,. Not Just for childhood cancer, but other life threatening illnesses that our children suffer. These are our children, our future and we spend more time and money on unimportant BULLSHIT.
My Daughter Mattered and so do all of our children, all children fighting this monster and other monsters and something needs to be done. We need to focus our energy on our children, on their future. On the safety and care of all the people in this country, but especially our children, because WE are supposed to be there for them. WE are supposed to care for and protect our children. WE are the adults that are supposed to set an example for our children and the only example they are seeing is how to hate, how to be violent and throw fits if we don’t get our way. We are not preparing our children to live in a world where everything is not going to go your way. This will have a detrimental impact on them when something does go wrong. Our children will grow into adults that cannot handle anything in life that doesn’t go the way it should. I think our lives, Our Ashley’s life, is an example that life is not always going to be full of rainbows and happy endings. And half, if not more, of the children in this world, will not be able to handle the simple things that go wrong in their lives, let alone anything catastrophic, like their child getting cancer or some other serious illnesses.
I thought that the events, the that happened the other day, the attack that targeted members of the Republican party by a man who hated Trump & Co and said they needed to be stopped, would end the rhetoric of the left and the liberal media and celebrities, but nothing seems to put an end to the chaos that some seem to feed off of.
How many of Our Children Have to Die, How Many Other Innocent People need to die, how much rhetoric and chaos will be enough before we get our heads out of our asses, act like adult’s, instead of a bunch of children, some whom are throwing fits because they didn’t get their way and start to focus on what is important. And please people, please quit looking up to celebrities and sports players and letting their thoughts influence you. These people live in houses that are surrounded by walls and have security and then preach as loud as they can about no walls and about letting everyone into our country. They are not really the characters they play on TV and in Movies. They think they are and some of their fans apparently think they are, but they are not. Also, Celebrities and Sports players are not Heroes because they have a talent to play a sport or act. A talent does not make someone a Hero. Ashley is a Hero. She sacrificed her life for other children fighting or who will fight this monster. The Military, the Police, Fire Fighter’s, the Capital Police and First Responders from the other day and anyone who risk their lives for others, those are the Heroes. So please quite with the use of the Term HERO for Individuals who ARE NOT HEROS. It is sickening.
As I spent the rest of my days in this world, no longer the happy, fun loving person, I once was, living as a prisoner in the body of that person I once was, My Energy will be focused on important things, not HATE.
I will focus on tying to function as the best Mom I can be for my boys while living with the constant excruciating pain, of living the rest of my life without our Precious Ashley, My Daughter, My Best Friend, My Ally. Living without her because we live in a world that does not put our children first. A world that does not think our children that are fighting this monster, deserve to have treatments developed for them because there is not enough money in it. I will work hard to push for a cause and cure for our children. I will do so because MY Ashley Gave Her Life for This Cause. My Ashley is gone because of the money hungry, power hungry, world we live in. Mike and I will Continue Her Work and Continue Her Legacy and Make the World Aware That Our Precious Ashley Is A Hero and Made A Difference in this World.
My Suggestion to all of you who have so much Anger and Hatred in You, is to find some love and caring within your heart and do something good. My Suggestion to everyone, is to realize we are all human beings and we all matter and that all the hate and working against each other hurts us all, hurts Our Children’s Future. And if you really care about your children, then you will not fight against each other but instead fight beside each other for a better future for each other, but most importantly, for our children. Just like Mike and I fought beside our Ashley. Our Precious Beautiful, Kind, Caring, Selfless, Daughter, Hero, Ashley. In the end, as hard as She Fought, as hard as we fought alongside Her, the greedy, money hungry, egotistical medical world, failed her.
As I said before, regardless of the fact that I question my faith, I will continue to live my life as if there is a God. So God Bless, and I hope everyone can open their eyes, open their heart and see that working against each other, working against our current government, is only going to hurt all of us. Anyone that wants a president to fail, thus wants our country to fail, and that is messed up. It’s not normal.
And if I may make a suggestion. If you want to support cancer research, do your homework on the charities that you are supporting. Support a charity or hospital that actually does something to find a cure, does something for families. As far as Childhood Cancer Research, St. Jude Children’s Research Hospital is an amazing hospital that does so much for our children. Not just the children that go there, but the children at hospitals throughout the world, that benefit from the treatments St. Jude Shares Freely with other hospitals.
Since the time I was a little girl, I have believed in God. I have prayed to, praised, and preached God. I went to a catholic school from 4th grade through high school. I was a religious education teacher for 5 years. Although not perfect, I have tried to live my life as best as I could, as a God Loving Christian Woman. I always believed that there was a reason for things. A reason that people came into our lives. However, I have never, nor will I ever, find a reason for a child being taken from this world. A reason for a parent to be left on this earth to live out the rest of their days without their child. Even with my complete incomprehension of how God could take a child from this world, I kept my faith in God. I praised God and prayed to him. I believed that he would heal Ashley. I put all my hope and faith in God and he failed me, but most of all, he failed Ashley. So I am angry with God and even doubting his existence.
Our Ashley is the kindness, most caring, most giving, selfless human being I have known. She cared so much about children fighting this monster. So much so, that she took a drug that she knew could potentially cause her to get a secondary cancer and did so because, in her words, “Isn’t that how we find cures, and I am willing to take the chance (of getting the secondary cancer) if it means other children may not suffer because of it.” Who does that? who is that selfless? Who? Heroes, that is who. Ashley, that is who. The True Heroes in this World. And Ashley is a Hero. A Hero who fought so hard for others and so hard for herself because she wanted so badly to live. A Hero who spent her free time volunteering her efforts to the foundation and St. Jude, to help children fighting cancer. She didn’t want praise or reward for her selflessness and dedication, all she wanted was the chance to live her life. But her reward for all that she had done for others, was her life ending at the age of 25.
I have begged and pleaded with God for 56 days. Begging him to give her back. I have screamed in anger to God, asking him how he could take Ashley from a life she so badly wanted to live, after all she had done for others. How he can take any child? How he can cause the cruelest most intense pain to the parents of the children that he took? Leaving them to live in excruciating, never ending pain, for however long they have left on this earth. God is supposed to be Our Father. Well as a Parent, A Mother, I would do anything to keep my children from suffering, from their heart hurting, from anything that could cause them harm. So how does the Almighty Father Allow So Much Pain and Suffering To Selfless People Like Ashley and Many others? To Genuinely Good, Caring People Like Mike, My Boy’s and Myself and So Many others? How Can He Allow That and Then Let Evil, Selfish, Cruel, Murdering People, Continue to Walk This Earth and Live Their Lives. I Never believed God Made Our Ashley Sick, But if He Is the Almighty, Powerful, Miracle Creating God that I Believed Him to Be For My Entire Life, Then Why Couldn’t He Heal Her? Why Couldn’t He Heal and Protect Other Children? Children who did NOTHING to cause their cancer. I was always taught that it is in giving that we receive. I never believed that to mean that we would get money or material things by giving to others. I believed that it meant, that if we spent our life giving to others, helping others, that in return we would live a long, happy and healthy life, a life with the necessary means to get through each day and survive. But apparently nothing I spent my life believing is true. If it were, then Our Ashley would still be here. I have begged Ashley to come to me and show me she is Ok. Show me in a very clear, undeniable way, that she is happy and that there is a Heaven. I search for that sign every day and it never happens. I beg God to show me and he doesn’t.
So I struggle every day. Looking for a reason, looking for a sign that God really does exists. I have spent my entire life believing in a God that was Good. A God that Loved his Children. But now I am having doubts. I Miss Our Ashley So Much and I Am In Never Ending Excruciating Pain. It takes everything in me to get out of bed every morning. My Stomach Constantly Hurts. I eat, not because I am hungry, but because I need to survive. I have lost 10lbs, without trying. I am prisoner, trapped in the body of a person that no longer exist, screaming from the inside, wanting to be set free from the endless pain, knowing that the only thing that can set me free, is to have Our Ashley, here, with us again. I was a happy, fun loving, full of life, giving, caring, compassionate person. I appreciated every day that I had on this earth, everything that I have, and most importantly ever person that I loved. Every person that I was blessed to have in my life, with the three most precious, most valuable, most important people in my life, being Ashley, Michael and Jake. Ashley leaving this world crushed my soul, destroyed who I was, took My Precious, Happy Family and Destroyed it. You can’t take a Child Away from a Parent and Expect Life To Go On As If Their Child Never Existed and The Only Way To Go On Without Your Child Would Be To Forget That Their Child Ever Existed. I WILL NEVER FORGET that Ashley Existed. I am not, nor will I ever be the person I was before. That is truly sad that a God who proclaims to be our father, proclaims to love us, would allow his children to suffer such excruciating pain.
I am not looking for an explanation from anyone, a reason from anyone or a comment like, “We don’t know the answers, we will never know the answer till we meet our maker.” I have heard that my entire life and when I needed God the most, when I wanted God to Give Our Selfless Daughter a Cure, a Chance to Live Her Life, He Failed Her and Failed Me. He Failed My Family. Nothing anyone says is going to change how I feel. Only Ashley or God, if he exists, can change my mind.
But even through my struggles of my faith, of my belief in God, I believe that we are supposed to be good, caring people, even if there is no promise of receiving that long, happy life. But when I sit here in my daily daze of moving through each day and I see everything going on in this world, I am sickened. In fact, I have been sickened for a long time, because of the actions of so many people. This too, has been something that has brought doubt to my faith.
I am angry, angry because I see so much negativity, so much hatred, cruelty and disregard for human life. So much craziness and wasted time on things that are not important and not enough time spent on things that are important. People are acting like complete, out of control lunatics and it is all over the fact that the individual they wanted for president, is not president. It is beyond ridiculous that people are still throwing fits over the fact that Trump is our President. Well he is our President, like it or not. It must be accepted. It must be accepted if we ever want to see improvement in our world. All the fighting and hatred and violence is just creating a world even more dangerous than it already was. This is the world that we are creating for our children. Our children should come first and instead of teaching them the right way to do things, we are teaching them the wrong way. We are teaching them that when we don’t get our way we should throw fits, spread lies and do whatever it takes, wrong or right, to get our way. Even if it means spreading lies or refusing to see the truth.
I didn’t like that Obama became President, but I didn’t throw a baby fit, I didn’t loss my mind and I certainly didn’t wish him to fail or wish harm to him. I prayed every day that I was wrong about him and that he was successful in running our country. For months the democrats/liberals, have been trying to do anything and everything to get Trump out of Office. To prevent him from doing his job. They have been trying desperately to prove a Russian connection with Trump or his administration and have come up with nothing. Many democrats have come out and said there is no proof. Yet they keep searching for something that is not there. They knock and put a spin on everything President Trump does and the lying liberal media sells it and so many buy it. There has been so much time and money wasted by our politicians, for hearings, to ask the same questions over and over, to come up with no evidence of any wrong doing, over and over. We did not put these people in office, to have the taxes we pay provide their salaries, so they can spend their days preventing our president from doing his job. To waste their time investigating the same thing, only to continue to come up with no evidence of wrong doing and to create rhetoric and constant chaos in our country.
For years I have and Mike has Fought Alongside Our Ashley Watching Her Go Through So Much Pain and Suffering. Watching as the Toxins of the Chemo Damaged her Body. Watch her try treatment, after treatment and get slammed by Negative Doctors Here In Chicago, with The words, “The Treatment Isn’t Working”, Time after time. But she didn’t give up, she didn’t become nasty to the world, she didn’t become mean and bitter and blame everyone for her suffering. She didn’t stop doing for and giving to others. She fought and gave, until an infection she received, from the inadequate care of certain individuals of an inadequately run hospital, took her life.
So each day, as I Miss and Mourn My Beautiful Ashley, I get angrier and angrier, when I see the individuals, who are supposed to be protecting our children and helping to build a better tomorrow for them, wasting their time on the same old bullshit over and over and preventing our president from doing his job. I get angry when I see time wasted on nonsense that is going nowhere, when that is time that could be spent on important things like finding funding and cures for our children. Time and money that can be spent on developing drugs specifically for our children so that they don’t have to receive drugs that were developed for adults and have those treatments cause other cancers or life threatening illnesses. So, why, in all these years, have we not develop drugs specifically for our children? Well the answer is, “Because there is no money in it”. There are not enough children with cancer to make a profit. HOW DISGUSTING IS THAT?
My daughter is gone because her doctor, in Chicago, who was not very forthcoming about the side effects of an adult drug, played on my daughter’s kindheartedness and used her as a guinea pig. Side effects that I had to find and tell my daughter about. But because Ashley was who she was, she was willing to take the chance to help others. All she needed to do was get her radiation at St. Jude and be done. It worked before. But her Chicago dcotor played on her dedication to helping others and got her to agree to take a drug that caused her secondary cancer and ultimately her being gone today. But let’s keep using our children to test adult drugs on, instead of finding drugs for them that are less toxic. Let’s not provide funding to do the research, to find a cause of these cancers our children are getting. Let's hate Trump so much that we force his son Eric, to end his foundation that supported one of the few Hospital's that is actually trying to find better cures for our children, trying to find a cause. St. Jude Children's Research Hospital.
This is the world we live in. A world that is getting worse by the minute. People are becoming crueler and crueler, greedier and greedier and a better future for our children is nonexistent. We worry more about money and power than we do about protecting our children, than we do about ensuring they have a future. THAT IS MESSED UP PEOPLE.
We put men on the moon. We can send messages on a phone that can get to another person who is 2000 miles away, in a matter of seconds. We spent millions of dollars to sports players and actors to make movies and we call these people heroes. I can go on and on about the things we are capable of doing in this world. But We CAN’T FIND A CAUSE OR A CURE FOR OUR CHILDREN,. Not Just for childhood cancer, but other life threatening illnesses that our children suffer. These are our children, our future and we spend more time and money on unimportant BULLSHIT.
My Daughter Mattered and so do all of our children, all children fighting this monster and other monsters and something needs to be done. We need to focus our energy on our children, on their future. On the safety and care of all the people in this country, but especially our children, because WE are supposed to be there for them. WE are supposed to care for and protect our children. WE are the adults that are supposed to set an example for our children and the only example they are seeing is how to hate, how to be violent and throw fits if we don’t get our way. We are not preparing our children to live in a world where everything is not going to go your way. This will have a detrimental impact on them when something does go wrong. Our children will grow into adults that cannot handle anything in life that doesn’t go the way it should. I think our lives, Our Ashley’s life, is an example that life is not always going to be full of rainbows and happy endings. And half, if not more, of the children in this world, will not be able to handle the simple things that go wrong in their lives, let alone anything catastrophic, like their child getting cancer or some other serious illnesses.
I thought that the events, the that happened the other day, the attack that targeted members of the Republican party by a man who hated Trump & Co and said they needed to be stopped, would end the rhetoric of the left and the liberal media and celebrities, but nothing seems to put an end to the chaos that some seem to feed off of.
How many of Our Children Have to Die, How Many Other Innocent People need to die, how much rhetoric and chaos will be enough before we get our heads out of our asses, act like adult’s, instead of a bunch of children, some whom are throwing fits because they didn’t get their way and start to focus on what is important. And please people, please quit looking up to celebrities and sports players and letting their thoughts influence you. These people live in houses that are surrounded by walls and have security and then preach as loud as they can about no walls and about letting everyone into our country. They are not really the characters they play on TV and in Movies. They think they are and some of their fans apparently think they are, but they are not. Also, Celebrities and Sports players are not Heroes because they have a talent to play a sport or act. A talent does not make someone a Hero. Ashley is a Hero. She sacrificed her life for other children fighting or who will fight this monster. The Military, the Police, Fire Fighter’s, the Capital Police and First Responders from the other day and anyone who risk their lives for others, those are the Heroes. So please quite with the use of the Term HERO for Individuals who ARE NOT HEROS. It is sickening.
As I spent the rest of my days in this world, no longer the happy, fun loving person, I once was, living as a prisoner in the body of that person I once was, My Energy will be focused on important things, not HATE.
I will focus on tying to function as the best Mom I can be for my boys while living with the constant excruciating pain, of living the rest of my life without our Precious Ashley, My Daughter, My Best Friend, My Ally. Living without her because we live in a world that does not put our children first. A world that does not think our children that are fighting this monster, deserve to have treatments developed for them because there is not enough money in it. I will work hard to push for a cause and cure for our children. I will do so because MY Ashley Gave Her Life for This Cause. My Ashley is gone because of the money hungry, power hungry, world we live in. Mike and I will Continue Her Work and Continue Her Legacy and Make the World Aware That Our Precious Ashley Is A Hero and Made A Difference in this World.
My Suggestion to all of you who have so much Anger and Hatred in You, is to find some love and caring within your heart and do something good. My Suggestion to everyone, is to realize we are all human beings and we all matter and that all the hate and working against each other hurts us all, hurts Our Children’s Future. And if you really care about your children, then you will not fight against each other but instead fight beside each other for a better future for each other, but most importantly, for our children. Just like Mike and I fought beside our Ashley. Our Precious Beautiful, Kind, Caring, Selfless, Daughter, Hero, Ashley. In the end, as hard as She Fought, as hard as we fought alongside Her, the greedy, money hungry, egotistical medical world, failed her.
As I said before, regardless of the fact that I question my faith, I will continue to live my life as if there is a God. So God Bless, and I hope everyone can open their eyes, open their heart and see that working against each other, working against our current government, is only going to hurt all of us. Anyone that wants a president to fail, thus wants our country to fail, and that is messed up. It’s not normal.
And if I may make a suggestion. If you want to support cancer research, do your homework on the charities that you are supporting. Support a charity or hospital that actually does something to find a cure, does something for families. As far as Childhood Cancer Research, St. Jude Children’s Research Hospital is an amazing hospital that does so much for our children. Not just the children that go there, but the children at hospitals throughout the world, that benefit from the treatments St. Jude Shares Freely with other hospitals.
Hi Maureen
ReplyDeleteI will follow. Blessings to you for sharing your journey.
Tom
Thank you Tom.
Delete