My New Normal Is Grief

Day 218~

I don't want a New Normal. I want My Ashley Here With Me. Because that is what's NORMAL.

There is NOTHING NORMAL about child loss. There is NOTHING NORMAL about a parent Out Living Their CHILD.

My New Normal is GRIEF.

So I have "Learned To Live a New Normal" as many like to say, and It's Grief.

It's laying in bed at night crying for 3 hours, till you fall asleep.

It's watching a T.V. Show Ashley & I would watch (not always at the same time) and learning something exciting, then finding yourself about to call out to Her in her room, "Hey Ashley did you watch today's episode of General Hospital?" Then you realize she is not there. So your heart sinks to your stomach and you start to cry.

It's waking up every morning praying that when you open your eye's, that the prayer card from Ashley's Service will not be on the nightstand and this will all have been a horrible nightmare. Then you learn it is not a nightmare & your heart sinks to your stomach and you start to cry.

It Is sitting in the driveway, avoiding coming into your house, because while outside you can pretend this isn't real & That Ashley is inside. Then the minute you walk inside, you can feel the void, the emptiness. Your heart sinks to your stomach & you cry.

It's every time you leave the house & feel like you are forgetting something, but you are not, that feeling is because Ashley is not with me, since 99% of the time when I left she was.

It is when you leave the house as a family, and you feel as if you are leaving her behind by Herself. So your heart sinks to your stomach and either you cry or you do your damnedest to hold the tears back.

It's spending your entire day Missing Ashley & Feeling a constant ache in your heart & stomach. Feeling that constant void from your life.

It's Spending Ever Day Longing to See, Hear, Hug & Kiss Ashley.

It Is crying, every single day, since Ashley Left Us, multiple times a day.

218 Days of Tears & Pain.

So I have learned to live a New Normal. It's Called Grief. Only thing is, is there is NOTHING NORMAL ABOUT IT.