Grief

Day 65



I Shared the words at the end of this post, about grief,  a year ago on my Facebook page. It's funny how we think we know things, how we think we know how things will be for people in any given situation. Just because we may experience a situation one way, doesn't mean that someone else will experience it the same way.





Each of us is unique in how we think, how we feel and how we respond to any given situation.





My entire life, I have always been a person that feels the pain of others intensely. I can't really explain it, but it Is a deep pain that causes me great anguish, many tears and loss of sleep. I have always been like that and as I said it is something I can't really explain. I mean, I even feel great pain for people I have never even met, but learn of their loss.





Now I am living with my own pain and I also carry the pain of my husband, my children and my family. Living with that as well as the fact, that My Beautiful Ashley, Who Fought So hard, Who was Willing to Endure Whatever Pain and Suffering She Would Face Because She So Wanted To Live, Had That Taken From Her. She was taken from all of us, that loved her in a way that many may not understand.





If you knew Ashley, I mean really knew her, Her Heart, Her Kindness & Caring For Others, Her Outlook on Life, Then You May Understand that We Lost So Much More Than Our Daughter, Our Sister, Our Niece, Our Cousin, Our Friend. Ashley Is The Most Unique Young Woman I have Ever Known. A Rare Human Being. But Ashley Is More Than My Daughter, She Is My Best Friend. She was my Co-worker and Fellow Board Member. She was part of every part of my life. When She Left this World, I Lost The Most Precious Gift a Human Being Could Receive and SO MUCH MORE......





So please do not judge my grief. Please do not tell me how it will get better. Please do not say, "At Least she is not suffering anymore." I know that everyone means well, but sometimes certain words cause more pain.





I can see that people have fade away. They don't want to hear it anymore, the think you should get over it, etc.... But until you have been in someone else’s shoes, experienced their exact way of how they experience pain, or know the depth of their relationship with their child, you will never understand what losing their child is like for them.





So giving all of that, we should not judge peoples length or way of grieving or tell them how the should grieve. Just be there to listen, give a hug and let them know you care. Most of all, let them know that you haven’t forgotten that their child is and always will be their child, even if they are in heaven. Hearing you talk about Ashley is both painful & comforting at the same time, but it lets me know that she hasn’t been forgotten, that all that she did for this world, will never be forgotten. I have 3 Children and Always Will……





Just a little insight.........

Grief may be a thing we all have in common, but it looks different on everyone. It isn't just death we have to grieve, It's life, It's loss, It's change.

And when we wonder why it has to suck so much sometimes, has to hurt so bad, The thing we have to try to remember, is that it can turn on a dime.

That's how you stay alive. When it hurts so much you can't breathe, that's how you survive. By remembering that one day, somehow, impossibly, you won't feel this way. It won't hurt this much.



Grief comes in its own time for everyone, in its own way.

So the best we can do, the best anyone can do, is try for honesty.

The really crappy thing, the very worst part of grief is that you can't control it.

The best we can do is try to let ourselves feel it when it comes.

And let it go when we can. The very worst part is that the minute you think you're past it, it starts all over again. And always, every time, it takes your breath away.



There are five stages of grief. They look different on all of us, but there are always five.



Denial.

Anger.

Bargaining.

Depression.

Acceptance