Ray of Hope

70 Days-10 Weeks

The reality still hits hard every day. I keep waiting for a sign. Something that is undeniable. Still haven’t gotten that. Still searching for a why.  Still haven’t gotten an answer. I am searching for proof of what I never doubted, till the God I believed in, without need of proof, for my entire life, took My Beautiful Ashley. I do not think God, if he exists, made Ashley Sick. Our world did that. The need for Power & Money at WHATEVER Cost did that. My Daughter and many others, are called Collateral Damage by those who are after the power & money. People who are willing to use anyone, including children, to get what they want in life, to make a name for themselves. How pathetic is our world?

~ I wrote this following poem today. Took about 10 minutes.

Every day is filled with tears & pain, and feeling like I am going insane. The sun may shine in everyone else’s sky, but my days are grey since you said goodbye. I constantly think of all that went wrong, after you had fought so hard to live for so long. People tell me to talk to someone to get through the pain, but each of our situations are different there isn’t two of us the same.  I lay in bed at night unable to sleep, thinking of and missing you so much, so I lay there and weep. For all of this pain I do not see an end, because living without you means my heart will never mend. I miss your smile, I miss your voice, I miss goodnight hugs & kisses and hearing you say, I love you. Every day without you is a day almost impossible to get through. I count each day until again we meet. Until then, my heart will yearn for you My Sweet.

Today I went to the Cemetery and Visited with Ashley and read for about an hour. Mike and I usually go together when he gets home from work, so today he headed there straight after work since he knew I already went. It started to rain pretty heavy, so I went to the cemetery to bring him an umbrella. When the rain let up a bit, I could see the sun in the distance. So I told Mike that I wanted Ashley to Bring Me a Rainbow. Mike went to visit with Ashley and I sat in my car texting my sister and told her that I asked Ashley for a Rainbow. A little time went by and Mike was heading back to his car. I looked up and he pointed in the sky behind my vehicle. I turned and there was a rainbow. There were actually two, but one was very faint and hard to see. Coincidence? Maybe, Maybe Not. Still searching for answers.  Still doesn’t change that my life is incomplete and my heart is aching without My Beautiful Ashley here. Maybe I will find answers in the book I am reading, “Soul Proof”. Maybe I won’t. I just know that the pain has been increasing, but that there are little ray’s of hope coming through with the little things like asked for rainbows. I just hope that the “Hope” turns into proof that I will See My Beautiful Ashley Again.

ASHLEY FOREVER…………