85 Days Without Our Beautiful Ashley.
I woke up as usual, with my heart aching and longing for My Sweet Beautiful Ashley & my gut hurting more than usual.
This World Does Feel Empty Without Our Beautiful Ashley. Ashley Completed Our Family. Now That She Is Gone, We Are No Longer Whole.
From the moment I woke up, my gut was hurting
more than it usually does. It's been hurting every day since My Beautiful
Ashley left us, but today it was different.
Mike and I had plans to go look at a new
Acadia. I agreed to get a new one, only if my car payment didn't change
drastically. Well apparently, the Acadia I saw online, is a slightly smaller
version than mine and much cheaper because of that. They apparently made 2
versions in 2017. I did not like it at all. So the salesman showed me the
version like mine. I liked it, but I didn't like the price or the fact that he
didn't want to give me crap for my vehicle. So basically, he wanted me to walk
out of there with a car payment of over $600. Oh, he tried really hard to get
me to take that car. He told me that mine is getting close to the warranty
being up and when things go wrong on these computerized cars, it can get
costly. But he doesn't know me.
So I told him a story:
Back in 97, Mike tried to get me to buy a new car. I found something wrong with every car we looked at. This went on for weeks. He was getting aggravated with me. One day he came home from work and I told him I found a car. He said, "Great, let's go look at it." So we drove a couple blocks down the road and pulled up behind a Mustard colored, 1979 Mercury Zephyr. Mike said, "You want that car?" I said, "It has low miles. He wants $200. I am going to offer him a $100. You just need to make sure it runs good." Mike said, "You are going to drive that ugly mustard colored car?" I said, "I will drive a car that looks like a banana down the road, If it gets me from point A to point B and I don't have a car payment." I paid $100 for the car, drove it for 2 years, then sold it for $75.
So I said, "I don't hate my current vehicle, in fact I like it more than the 2017, I am not paying over $600 a month for a vehicle." Said Thanks and we left.
Mike and I headed to Roadrunner Sports. While driving I had one of my many several, daily, bad crying moments. As the tears lessened, I realized the pain in my gut, lessened to its normal daily pain. I don't know if it was me, subconsciously not wanting to get rid of my vehicle or Ashley trying to tell me not to.
When we got to Roadrunner, I told Mike to go ahead, that I would be in, in a minute. I was wiping the tears from my eyes. So I started talking to Ashley. I said, "Ash, I don't want to be in this world without you, it is so very painful, but this cruel world took you and left me no choice. So I beg you, please, always be with me, be my Guide, My Angel." I then walked in the store and looked for Mike. When I found him, the next song playing in the store was, "Can't Stop That Feeling." Ashley's favorite dance song. Mike and I looked at each other when we heard it and smiled. But at that time, Mike didn't know what I just said to Ashley in my vehicle.
I then called Jake to ask him something and he said, "By the way, yours and Dad's plates came.
Then when we were heading to dinner, a friend of Ashley's texted me to tell me he was in town. He then decided to call and we made plans to meet up before he heads back home.
Prior to going to look at the car, I reached out to another friend of Ashley's. A woman from Ryan's in Frankfort, called me the other day about baskets for the motorcycle event. She told me that when my Nephew dropped the flyers off at the bar, there was this nice young man sitting there and he looked at one of the flyers and told her that he knew Ashley and showed her a picture. So I reached out to him and asked if he was coming to the event. He said he was and it made me happy that he was coming.
I have been very skeptical about signs. Like the Cardinal. I mean, if we didn't live in the State of Illinois, where the Cardinal is the state bird, and we were in a state where it wasn't common to see a Cardinal, then yes, if I saw a Cardinal, I might be more convinced that it was Ashley.
So I'm trying to believe that these are signs from Ashley, but I'm just not convinced yet.
I'm still searching, hoping, looking for more concrete proof. Ashley being gone from this world, from our lives, Will never be OK, but some undeniable proof, that she is OK and that we will see her again, might bring a tiny bit of comfort.
costly. But he doesn't know me.
So I told him a story:
Back in 97, Mike tried to get me to buy a new car. I found something wrong with every car we looked at. This went on for weeks. He was getting aggravated with me. One day he came home from work and I told him I found a car. He said, "Great, let's go look at it." So we drove a couple blocks down the road and pulled up behind a Mustard colored, 1979 Mercury Zephyr. Mike said, "You want that car?" I said, "It has low miles. He wants $200. I am going to offer him a $100. You just need to make sure it runs good." Mike said, "You are going to drive that ugly mustard colored car?" I said, "I will drive a car that looks like a banana down the road, If it gets me from point A to point B and I don't have a car payment." I paid $100 for the car, drove it for 2 years, then sold it for $75.
So I said, "I don't hate my current vehicle, in fact I like it more than the 2017, I am not paying over $600 a month for a vehicle." Said Thanks and we left.
Mike and I headed to Roadrunner Sports. While driving I had one of my many several, daily, bad crying moments. As the tears lessened, I realized the pain in my gut, lessened to its normal daily pain. I don't know if it was me, subconsciously not wanting to get rid of my vehicle or Ashley trying to tell me not to.
When we got to Roadrunner, I told Mike to go ahead, that I would be in, in a minute. I was wiping the tears from my eyes. So I started talking to Ashley. I said, "Ash, I don't want to be in this world without you, it is so very painful, but this cruel world took you and left me no choice. So I beg you, please, always be with me, be my Guide, My Angel." I then walked in the store and looked for Mike. When I found him, the next song playing in the store was, "Can't Stop That Feeling." Ashley's favorite dance song. Mike and I looked at each other when we heard it and smiled. But at that time, Mike didn't know what I just said to Ashley in my vehicle.
I then called Jake to ask him something and he said, "By the way, yours and Dad's plates came.
Then when we were heading to dinner, a friend of Ashley's texted me to tell me he was in town. He then decided to call and we made plans to meet up before he heads back home.
Prior to going to look at the car, I reached out to another friend of Ashley's. A woman from Ryan's in Frankfort, called me the other day about baskets for the motorcycle event. She told me that when my Nephew dropped the flyers off at the bar, there was this nice young man sitting there and he looked at one of the flyers and told her that he knew Ashley and showed her a picture. So I reached out to him and asked if he was coming to the event. He said he was and it made me happy that he was coming.
I have been very skeptical about signs. Like the Cardinal. I mean, if we didn't live in the State of Illinois, where the Cardinal is the state bird, and we were in a state where it wasn't common to see a Cardinal, then yes, if I saw a Cardinal, I might be more convinced that it was Ashley.
So I'm trying to believe that these are signs from Ashley, but I'm just not convinced yet.
I'm still searching, hoping, looking for more concrete proof. Ashley being gone from this world, from our lives, Will never be OK, but some undeniable proof, that she is OK and that we will see her again, might bring a tiny bit of comfort.
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