It
has been 59 days and for 59 days I have cried every
morning, throughout the day and every night.
I try the best that I can to get through each day without Our Beautiful Ashley. But I am Forever Changed and I hurt for My Boy's as well. They didn't only loss their Beautiful Sister, they lost the Mom I Use To Be. I guess I can also say, Mike lost the wife he once knew.
Child loss does not just take a Precious Beautiful Child from this world, long before their time, it crushes the souls of that Child's Parents, Siblings and Family. It takes happiness and makes it sad. It takes your memories and makes them painful to remember because they are a reminder of what once was and no longer is or will be. It takes all the hopes and dreams you had for your child away from them, away from you. It is like everyone else around you is moving forward in time as they should, but you are moving in slow motion. The pain that fills your body, your heart, your mind, is weighing you down, preventing you from moving forward with the rest of the world. You are stuck, longing for the past when your precious child was still here.
I try the best that I can to get through each day without Our Beautiful Ashley. But I am Forever Changed and I hurt for My Boy's as well. They didn't only loss their Beautiful Sister, they lost the Mom I Use To Be. I guess I can also say, Mike lost the wife he once knew.
Child loss does not just take a Precious Beautiful Child from this world, long before their time, it crushes the souls of that Child's Parents, Siblings and Family. It takes happiness and makes it sad. It takes your memories and makes them painful to remember because they are a reminder of what once was and no longer is or will be. It takes all the hopes and dreams you had for your child away from them, away from you. It is like everyone else around you is moving forward in time as they should, but you are moving in slow motion. The pain that fills your body, your heart, your mind, is weighing you down, preventing you from moving forward with the rest of the world. You are stuck, longing for the past when your precious child was still here.
We
go to the cemetery every day. Haven’t missed a day. We facetimed when we were
out of town. We visit with Ash and then sit on the bench across from her
monument. Every day as Mike and I sit there, I try to wrap my head around the
fact that Ashley is no longer here. That My Daughter, My Best Friend, My Ally,
One of the Three Most Precious People in My life, will not walk beside me,
creating more memories and happy times. She will not be here with me, till the
day I die, as she should be. I cannot grasp this. My heart will not stop
breaking and the tears will not stop falling. Because I do not know how to live
in a world without Our Daughter, My Ashley.
My
family is not complete anymore and it never will be. My children define me. ALL
OF MY CHILDREN. They Complete Me. I am forever incomplete. Is a car a car,
without an engine? Is a plane a plane
without one of its wings? Is a House a
house without doors and windows? Everything must be complete to be what it
truly is. So, I am not me without My
Beautiful Ashley. Nor Will I Ever Be.
Maybe
Some More Of The Past Tomorrow………
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