What Should Be

Day 117

The other day I went past ONU, where Ashley was attending College. I saw all the young kids there, not sure if the year is starting or if some are back early. But I felt like a knife went through my heart. Ashley should be starting her 2nd year of the Nursing Program there. She should be graduating from ONU in 2018. But She Is Not. She Is Not Because My Daughter, My Ashley Is Gone. She Is Gone & I am Never Going To See My Baby Girl Graduate To Become The Nurse She So ...Wanted To Be. I Will Never See Her Do Anything. I will Never See Her Ever Again For As Long As I Walk This Earth & Maybe Not Even After.

My Baby Started His Senior Year Of School Today. Jake & Ashley Should Have Been Graduating Together. We Should Be Having A Graduation Party For Both Of Them In June Of 2018.

Every Day, The Reality, That My Beautiful Ashley Is Gone, Hits Me. Over & Over, Multiple Times A Day. The Pain of that Thought Is Like No Other Pain I Have Ever Felt. It Is Debilitating. I Want To Lay Down & Die And The Only Thing That Prevents Me From Dying. That Is My Boys.

I Have Not Felt My Ashley. We Are So Connected, Almost As If We Were One, That I Know I Would Know Without A Doubt If She Was Here With Me. So I am Beginning To Believe More & More Every Day, That There Is No Afterlife. So Not Only Will I Never See My Ashley As Long As I Walk This Earth, But I Will Not See Her When I Leave It Either.