Just Hits Me Like A Ton Of Bricks

It Just Hits Me Like A Ton of Bricks. Like a Knife in the Heart. Multiple Times Throughout the Day. It Repeats Over and Over In My Head. "My Ashley Is Gone. She is Gone. She Use To Exist & Now She Doesn't Exist." The Tears Start Flooding My Eyes & Then Pour Down My Cheeks. I Can't Control My Emotions, So As I Cry & Feel This Intense Pain, Feel The Emptiness, The Loneliness, All I Can Say Is, "I Want My Ashley Back, I Can't Believe My Ashley Is Gone. She Use To Exist & Now S...he Doesn't. How Can That Be, How Can That Be. How Can She Not Exist Anymore? I Just Want My Baby Girl Back. Please God, Just Give Her Back."

Yep, that is my life. Never Ending Pain & Begging For God To Give Me Back My Ashley. Begging For Something I Know I Can't Have, But Want So Desperately. Yet I Still Beg, Hoping That Just Maybe, Maybe Our " All Loving Creator", Will Perform A Miracle & Give Her Back.

I Just Cannot Wrap My Head Around the Fact That My Ashley Is Gone & I Am Never Going To See Her Again.

Just Try To Imagine That. Imagine Never, Ever, Being Able To See Your Child Again. Imagine Them Being Gone Forever. Hard To Even Imagine It.

We Are Not Supposed To Bury Our Children, We Are NOT. But When We Have To Bury Our Child, We May Still Be Here, But We Really Don't Exist Anymore Either. The Only Thing Left of Us Is A Vessel of Nothing But Pain & Suffering. The Person We Once Were Doesn't Exist Anymore & The World We Once Lived in, Doesn't Either.

This Is My Life. This Is My Hell. This Is My Reward For Trying To Be Good & Do Good. And We All Know What Ashley's Reward Was For Doing So Much For Other's. For Risking Her Life For Other's.